Tesla Concert Review – Hampton Beach April 19th, 2019.

Back to music… (The hair color still looks sweet though.)

Anyways, a little background. I have always been a Tesla fan, generally the older stuff than the newer material, but even some of the newer stuff fits right in when I’m in a Tesla kind of mood. I haven’t seen them since they opened up for the Scorpions oh so long ago, and I had never seen them headline. I had also never been to the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom, and that was an adventure in a lot of patience.

So then opening groups. First one was called Bad Marriage, which honestly they didn’t sound horrible, but the Bon Scott/AC/DC influence was quite prevalent. I have a problem when the band on stage is just too confident, they might be local, but I can’t say I’ve heard of them where I come from (4 hours drive away). They played well, they were obnoxious to watch on the stage. You didn’t win me over dudes, sure I love a confident man playing rock and roll, but there wasn’t any endearing qualities to your stage performance to make me want to hear more.

Speaking of which, I’ve seen some REALLY terrible opening groups in my time. I have no idea who the second opening group was, nor do I really care to find out. They were atrocious, horrendous, unbelievably sucky, even I could play better than they could, and I can’t play an instrument. I remember the singer saying something like their album was coming out that day and they gave the audience a big bottle of champagne. Hey, I’m used to having my water bottle cap confiscated because it is too dangerous. But handing the crowd a big bottle of champagne is allowed? Well, I guess getting the crowd drunk(er) is one way to do it, but no one was having their crappy songs/music/whatever you want to call it. There were many people screaming for them to get off the stage and I sure was hoping they would too. Awful, awful, awful.

Tesla came on shortly after. First let me talk about the show, then I’ll get into some of the nitty gritty that only I seem to notice sometimes.

Truth be told, Tesla was VERY solid. I mean, I knew them to be, but hearing and seeing them live is a different reality. It’s some great rock and roll. While, I was worried that they would play a huge amount of their new songs, it turns out they stuck to a mostly classic song list, of tried and true Tesla songs. As a long time fan, those are the songs that we want to hear, that’s just the way that it is, right?

Jeff Keith’s voice was on fire, his raspy vocals come through amazingly and he seems to have a genuinely good time up on stage.¬† He’s a dancer and a flouncer, he flounces is the best way to describe the way he moves. It’s a bit awkward, a bit cool, lots of Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler influences, but it does work.

I was in front of Frank Hannon, who seemed to have a different guitar for every song. He loved to steal the show and had no qualms about getting the attention. He’s a very talented musician and he should enjoy the spotlight, and that he definitely does.

Musically they were on fire, non-stop songs, with hardly a break in between. From the heavy songs, to one they haven’t played in a while from Bust a Nut, to their tried and true ballads, the show seemed short. Quite honestly they could have played a lot more songs, but it was a rainy night and the humidity was in the air with a vengeance. Which wasn’t good for anyone.

So before I get into the other stuff¬† – they were really on point. They were extremely solid, and they rocked that ballroom’s ass off. From a performance standpoint, I am fangirling, because they really slayed it. So I would tell you that if you are thinking of seeing Tesla, put them on your list. Go get it done, you won’t regret it at all.

Now then, a couple of things to mention that really don’t have a category, just me being me:

1. The venue sucks, their security sucks more and generally there were more assholes per capita than your normal rock show. That was a total bummer.

2. Bimbo watch 2019: Right before the show started, Frank Hannon went on the side of the stage to do some sound stuff. There was a girl with him, I don’t know anything about his private life, so I’m not going to guess that situation, but I know a bimbo when I see one. Dressed in an awful mini-dress and she thought her ass was great as she enjoyed pointing it to the audience and bouncing. That was some scary bouncing, but I’m a girl, this bimbo stuff gets really old to me, really fast.

Anyways, the unfortunate thing about this was that they set her up in that little side stage area, with a stool even. So she would be able to very closely watch Frank. She was watching him like a hawk, if he smiled at someone or waved at someone her head would turn abruptly to see who it was. Pretty lame. But the lamest? Her sitting there with her skirt hiked up to you know where and any photos I took in that direction had her in it. Case in point:

Thanks buds, but if I never see the gal I named a bimbo again, it will be too soon.

3. Dave Rude – Not to be rude, but why can’t Rude like enjoy himself on stage? It got to the point that I figured out he looks like Beaker from the Muppets. (No offense, this is what I got when I looked at him, like he was ready to lose his shit at any moment.) To be fair, he played well, just didn’t seem to want to be there. Dave Rude vs Beaker – notice anything similar?

Okay, the hair might be different. :P

4. Brian Wheat – COME ON YOU’RE UP ON STAGE HAVE FUN OR SOMETHING. GET THAT STICK OUT OF YOUR BUTT AND LOOSEN UP. IT’S ROCK AND ROLL, DON’T BE SUCH A BUMMER! (All those caps to say that… Dude, loosen up, we are paying you to play your songs, I know bass players don’t get much love, but bring some better energy please.)

5. Drummer Troy Luccketta – I’m not sure if a bunch of his bandmates were messing up, but he looked like he was sick of their shit. I saw many eye rolls and big sighs of being exasperated with their shenanigans. I cannot know what was going on, but it wasn’t band harmony, that’s for sure.

6. I save the best for last – Jeff Keith.

Dear Jeff Keith,

I love your voice and I have loved it for years. You do not disappoint in the actual singing department. However, seeing you read the monitor for almost each and every song made me sad. If I can remember the lyrics, then I would think that you could as well, especially the popular/most played ones, you know? You did a good job of faking it and the drunken crowd probably didn’t notice, but I could, and if I could, others can as well. Please learn the lyrics to your songs, so that you can be your unique frontman self.

Cosmetically, I would also ask that if possible, to get some dental work so that when you smile as big as you do, that your teeth do not seem out of place. With the lights it could be a bit scary at times. While on the cosmetic train, I’ll also mention that I noticed your butt, to put it mildly it was sublime. Too sublime and I know nothing about this stuff, but it didn’t look real to me. I’m not complaining, but it did make me wonder if they were implants or if the pants had some magic Spanx in them. I’m not complaining, I just wanted to let you know that it was noticed. If your butt is 100% authentic, well hell’s bells, what a fine one it is.

-Me

Really, no offense intended, this is just me seeing what I saw after standing up for far too long and having to endure one really bad opening band.

I would like to end this by saying: GO SEE TESLA, just don’t notice what I notice. :)

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