Dealing with Narcissistic People

In my most recent of histories I have had the saddest of luck. I have made the mistake of making friends with the biggest asshole narcissists imaginable. Not just acquaintances, but supposedly good friends. The kind you spend hours on the phone with them in messages and even to my own very serious regret going into business with one.

I like to help people. Support them, give them advice or just be there for them if they require it. This is probably one of the factors that attracts them to me. They thrive on the attention they get, they love the support and most of all they just love talking about themselves. I am patient and I listen to them, at first anyways.

The good news is I have figured out (hindsight 20/20) why both of these so-called “friendships” turned ugly. It’s not because of my actions (and they will try to make believe it’s because of me), but eventually because of my inaction.

In the beginning of both of these narcissistic relationships, it went swimmingly well, they loved to compliment “oh you are so nice to do that” and “I trust you” to gain my loyalty. I mean who doesn’t like compliments? They touched the heart strings, the things I love – my music, my pets and anything they can pinpoint on. I spent hours talking to them and 95% of the conversation was all about them (Again: Hindsight). Even when I tried to veer the conversation to my own direction it always resulted in a discussion about them.

Let me tell you it is draining. These kind of people suck the very essential energy out of others. They are like that Star Trek alien that was sucking the salt out of the red shirt bodies and leaving them lifeless. (Umm I’m wearing a red shirt today HELP!) But when you are the supportive type, you want to help them and lets face it there is always another problem or emergency where they need to calm the fuck down and the supportive one will always be there to say “There, there lets find a solution.”

This all goes well for sometimes months or for years. They need you, but you don’t need them. You spend time and energy on them and they take it until the next crisis where they need you again. It continues and it continues until there is no more energy to give.  You hit the end and you see the cycle and you back away.

That is when it gets really ugly.

Independence and being aloof is a huge trigger. As soon as you stop supporting these narcissistic beings, it doesn’t take long before they sense a disturbance in the force. They can detect that you are spending less time supporting them and that essentially you are tolerating them instead. Then quite quickly any words or gestures of kindness (which is meant in the same way as before) is taken in the worst possible way.

The sudden change in the behavior is quite like in the Exorcist when the cross is shown to the little girl – immediate hate and a lashing out (they would probably puke up green pea soup too given the chance). Even in their hate, they will never say they hate you, they think that their opinion of you is more important than any actions they take. That it’s okay for them to behave poorly and have temper tantrums because they feel they earned that right for dealing with the supporter who no longer supports them.

Yeah this is twisted. So very twisted.

Will I stop being a supportive, nurturing and a caring individual because of my experience with these narcissists? No, unfortunately that’s part of who I am. I hope I am wiser now though to see the pattern.

The narcissists will forever blame me for all of their shortcomings and will forever curse my name because I didn’t bow down to their amazing-ness until the end of time.

I plan on using my energy for good though and while they think that I will forever remember them – they are wrong. I will remember the experience and the vicious beings they exposed themselves as knowing that they are just moving onto the next supporter who falls victim. They will remain shallow, manipulative and will never think they do anything wrong.

However for me, I will simply just move on with my life and be happier day by day because they are no longer in it. My energy will return and my world will feel brighter without them in it. Once I stop feeling like an idiot of course.